So Why Am I Single?

One of the first questions I get when I talk to a new guy on the phone is “So why are you still single?”

Ugh.

Well, the short answer is this: Because I choose to be.

If you want a more detailed explanation, here it is:

Relationships are a pain in the ass. Ask anyone who is in one or used to be. I’ve been in enough of them to know. I have dealt with liars, cheaters (on me and with me), drug abusers, misogynists, “friends with benefits”, you name it.

Part of my problem is that I hate labels. I hate the idea of being limited to categorizing someone as a boyfriend or “this guy I’m dating” and, other than husband or fiance, that’s about all there is. Well, there is also sugar daddy and significant other but a Sugar Daddy is a whole ‘nother category and ‘significant other’ is just another term for boyfriend.

I’ve tried to come up with new phrases to use for myself, like “options” or “boyfriend potential” but they never quite caught on. Whatever happened to words like suitor and courting?

I do have men in my life that I am in various stages of relationships with. There are men that I have just chatted online with, there are men that I have talked to on the phone, there are men that I have gone out with or hung out with a few times, and there are men with whom I have sex. (Gasp!)

The problem with admitting that there is more than one mine in my life is that, whenever a woman admits this, she is labeled a slut. (See also: double standards.) So am I a slut if I go three months without having sex? Am I a slut if I am seeing a few men but only having sex with one?

And why do I even ‘need’ a man? The question of “why are you single?” seems to imply that being (technically) single means I am somehow defective, like it is so difficult to believe that a woman with so many good qualities would be without a “significant other” unless there was something wrong with her.

Hey, I’m a great catch. There is no hidden flaw or irregularity that makes me certifiably un-date-able or un attachable. Contrary to popular opinion, a woman is not somehow incomplete without a man. In fact, I feel more whole without one because there is no one around to drain my energy, put a dent in my self-esteem, or take even the slightest piece of my heart from me. No one is taking anything away from me anymore.