Archive for the 'Funny Confessions Phone Sex' Category

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Want a good laugh? Read this!!!

I am thinking of submitting this for my creative writting class…..for some extra credit…..what do you think? Those of you who know me know that I will totally do it too!! lol!

What if roles were reversed?

Imagine waking up one morning and everything is the same except for one thing. It is now a woman’s world…and you are a man.

Women are in control. Women have the power. Women have the influence. Whatever women want, they get. Whatever women say goes and even though you are the man, you are her man, her bitch.

“John, I’m home. What’s for supper? I’m starved.”

“Oh, hi, Mary, I, uhm, haven’t had a chance to shop for supper. The kids are home sick from school with the—”

“No supper! What am I suppose to eat? I’m starving.”

“I thought we’d call for a pizza and have it—”

“You thought wrong. I’m sick and tired of pizza. I expect you to cook for me when I come home from work tired and hungry.”

“Yes, of course, but the kids were puking and—”

“Don’t wait up for me. I’m going to Karen’s house.” She grabbed her coat and headed for the door. “She bought a new car, a Mustang, and wants to show me it.”

Mary slams the door behind her and walks over to Karen’s house where they meet up with Susan and Linda.

“So, how’d you get out of the house?”

“Guilt trip. She didn’t make any dinner. She said the kids were sick. I figured I’d get something to eat at the strip club.”

“They only have pizza.”

“That’s okay. I like pizza.”

“Let’s go.”

The four women squeeze in Karen’s Mustang GT and head over to the Golden Banana where the four women line up at their usual spot at the bar to watch the strippers.

“What are you gals going to have?”

The look at one another and laugh.

“Cock and balls. A double.”

The bartender loads up water glasses with rum and tequila and plops fruit slices carved in the image of penises and testicles.

The women whoop it up stuffing the dancer’s thongs with money and making sure they get a good feel of the package each time they stuff a dollar down his suit.

Mary stumbles home drunk and horny.

“John! Where the fuck are you? Come down here and fuck me!”

“Shh!” John emerges from the kitchen with dish towel in hand. “You’ll wake the kids. It’s 2 am.” John looks at his drunken wife. “You went to the Golden Banana, again, didn’t you?”

“Fucken’right! You won’t give me sex, so I go there to feel some golden bananas, if you know what I mean.” Mary flops down on the couch laughing.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, you filthy pig. You make me sick with your friends, your strip clubs, and your strippers.”

“Well, maybe if you took care of me, I wouldn’t have to go there.”

Mary stands, unzips her jeans, drops them, and steps out of her panties. She falls back on the sofa. “Now, come here and lick my pussy. I need to get off.”

“I won’t do that.” John turns to head upstairs but Mary is too quick for him and grabs him by the hair, drops him to his knees, and pulls his face between her legs.

“Eat me, I said. Suck my pussy!”

Through his tears, John does what Mary wants and licks her pussy.

“Let me know when you are going to come,” said John lifting his head. “I don’t want you cumming in my mouth.”

“Sure Baby.” When Mary is ready to cum, she pushes John’s head forward and holds his mouth on her pussy.

“Mary, I told you to tell me.”

“Sorry, Baby, you know we women, I couldn’t help it.”

A couple of the rabble rousers from across the way watch through the open drapes John eating Mary. They finger themselves while watching the action.

Mary pushes John over to the bay window and opens the drapes wide. She pulls down John’s sweatpants, bulls down his briefs, and presses his cock against the cold glass for the voyeuristic women to see.

“Mary, stop! What are you doing? I’m naked and they are staring. Mary, please, I am so embarrassed. How could you? How could you humiliate me like that?”

“You know it turns me on for other women to ogle your package. You know I love that stuff.”

When Mary is finished with him, she pushes him away and falls asleep on the cough. John covers Mary’s nakedness with a blanket, turns off the light, closes the drapes, and heads off to bed.

Mary wakes up during the night to pee and meets John’s father in the hall on the way to the bathroom, who was staying overnight to help with the sick children. Still a bit drunk and naked from the waist down, Mary turns on the light and answer’s her father-in-law’s stare.

“D’ya like what you see?” She holds a hand to her pussy and lifts up the skin to give him a better view.

“You’re drunk. You’re always drunk.” John’s father turns and heads back to his room but Mary follows him.

She pushes him down on the bed, strips off his pajama bottoms, pulls down his boxers, and takes him in her mouth sucking his cock. As soon as he has an erection, she mounts him.

“Mary, stop! This is wrong. I’m your father-in-law. Get off me!”

“Fuck me, old man. Cum in my pussy.”

Jack enters the room and pushes Mary off her father.

“Dad, how could you? She’s my wife.”

“It was her. She’s drunk. She raped me.”

John turns to Mary and pushes him out the door.

“Get out! Get out! I never want to see you, again.”

Years later, Mary is hiding out in Montana because of all the unpaid child support. There is a warrant for her arrest. The laws are strict for deadbeat moms.

Fuck The System!

The other night at about 2am I was on my way home from the club. I was quite tipsy and trying to find a cd to put into my stereo so I could blast music to keep me awake while driving home. Without realizing where I was I saw a light turning yellow about to be red and I sped up and ran the light.. I wanted to get home & talk to somebody on here, I was real horny! Without realizing (just my luck) there was a cop sitting on the other end of the light, so of course I get pulled over. I get out my license and registration and my window was already down and when he approached my window I couldn’t help but say “holy fuck” the officer was stunned and he asked “what?” I couldn’t help myself but I had to tell him just how incredibly sexy in his uniform he was. Without thinking I get out of my car on the side of the road, I told him it was to hot in my car to be sitting in there. Giving him the look like I wanted to eat him up, he knew what I wanted and I could see he was interested in the same
thing. I said “so mr. officer, you think maybe we can get this ticket taken care of a different way? say maybe in the back seat of your car?” he said “not a problem, but you know anyone back there besides me has to be in cuffs” and that was definatly not a problem! While in the back of the car, he cuffed me to the metal cage thing and had me bent over.. He fucked me like he hated me and I loved every minute of it! I was a naughty girl who violated the law and got exactly what I deserved! By the end of our sex-capade in the car he uncuffed me and smacked my ass one more time and said “next time you run a red light, I’ll take you in and do a double team cavity search, the boys will love you!”.. I should “fuck the system” more often!

Oh the things I’ve learned though out my years….

I’ve learned a few things through my years of fucking around. Every experience has taught me something new. Here is my Top Ten List of things I have learned:

10. Size does matter!!! If you’re looking for a good butt slammin’ fuck, the bigger the better. There’s nothing like feeling the tip of a rock hard dick pounding against your belly button from the inside!!! However, if you are looking for pure comic entertainment you can’t beat (literally), a teeny weeny. They say laughter is the best medicine and a puny pecker is like a double dose of fine brandy!!! I just can’t explain the pleasure of watching some big wheel standing there with his John Thomas nipped between his fingers and rubbing it like he’s rolling a booger while I get nailed by a ten inch bowel buster!!! LOL… LOL… LOL

9. If 1 is good 2 is better and 3 is still not enough. Having my pussy stretched is pure pleasure. Having my face fucked is bliss. Feeling my ass plundered is absolute joy, but having all three stuffed at once is the ultimate in orgiastic pleasure. Especially if some poor schmuck of a diddle dick is forced to watch!!!

8. A musky pussy is the best perfume a woman can wear. Don’t spiff it up with powders and douches. Young or old, men love to bury their face in a thick musky cunt and scrub their face back and forth. There’s a reason they call a moustache a flavor saver.

7. Titties that have suffered the effects of gravity wrap around a stiff dick real nice. They also jiggle and bounce and swing and sway oh so nice!!!

6. Stinky old ladies panties attract mother-fuckers like flies. On your ass or in the hamper there’s always some sissy little pervo that wants to scratch and sniff!!!

5. The bigger the cock stuffed into your mouth the more cum will shoot out of your nose.

4. If a man strokes his cock the same way all the time it will develop a curve. Talk to a masturbatrix like me to avoid this DEFORMITY.

3. There is no shame in having a turd drop out after a 12 inch cock is popped from your poop chute! I’ve taken some massive pricks up the back door and I’ve slammed a foot or so of latex into a few “man”ginas and there is always something that chases it out. It just comes slipping and sliding down that will well lubed butthole. Let’s face it… SHIT HAPPENS!

2. Husbands are only jealous of their wives fucking a big black cock when they don’t share or at least let them watch!

1. If a baby can shoot out your cunt a fist can be jammed in! I know from experience!!!

His Brother

Well, things never really work out the way you plan them , do they?

Any way, my last post, with the old friend? Well, can you say stalker? LMAO  ! I consider it a lesson learned…  SO on with the story! The boy I dumped? well, enter the brother….He finds out we arent together, and in he swoops, professing infatuation, oozing sexuality, everything his brother wasnt…and then some!

We decide to meet up one afternoon…OMG. the sexual tension was almost too much too take..ok who am I kidding..it was too much to take. We ended up fucking inthe back of my Jeep right there in the grocerystore parking lot!! He took me from behind at one point and I look out the window to see an elderly couple standing there witness to the whole spectacle!! Well, I didnt know quite what to do…. so I waved, lmfao! DUH! Whats better? They waved back! shook their heads, smiling, and moved along! unreal, as he was pounding me from behind! A moment I will never forget!!

Looking Back on my Firsts- Part 2

 So last time I blogged I wrote about my first time masturbating… this time I will write about my first time getting to 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base. 

My first kiss.. let’s see.  My very first was when I was 8, the boy next door kissed me right on the mouth as we were playing super heroes.  I thought it was gross.  My first real kiss actually wound up being the same boy.  We were 16 and he had figured out that I was starting to get curves.  He took me out behind his house and pushed me against a tree and kissed me.  His tongue darted in and out of my mouth, very inexpertly.  Looking back it was super sloppy!  I am pretty sure his tongue went all over the place… but at the time, it was kind of nice.

It was that same night that my tits first got felt.  Neighbor awkwardly shoved his hands under my shirt to feel them.  I wasn’t wearing a bra (rarely did in those days) and he felt my breasts and my nipples hardened.  I could feel my pussy getting wet as he touched me.  His fingers worked my nipples, tweaking them and finally put them in his mouth.  I moaned outloud.  I swore my parents could hear us.. but they didn’t stop us.

It was a few days later that the neighbor and I met again.  This time we went into his basement.  There was this old cot down there and we wound up making out for like an hour at a time.  One thing lead to another and soon his fingers were feeling my little pussy and stroking my clit!  It felt SOOOOO good.  I was moaning and trying to free his cock from his jeans.  Finally I got it out and I was jerking his cock nice and quick in my little hand… my thoughts wondering what it would feel like if that cock were inside of my dripping pussy.  I was just about to suggest it when the door to the basement opened and his mother came in.  We scrambled to get our clothes on, but we were a little too slow.  Man was she pissed!!!  She told me to get out right away and I ran like a bat out of hell.  I was praying like hell she didn’t call my parents. 

As you can see… a lot of my firsts were kind of a mess.  Will you be the one to give me my future, better experiences?  Come on and let’s explore together. You can play with me at any age, I love roleplays!

 

Looking Back on my Firsts- Part 1

I had a really awesome call the other night. A really nice guy who just wanted to kind of talk to me about my life and some of my firsts. One of the things we talked about was my first time masturbating. Now… I am a little embarassed to say, but I was kind of slow coming into my sexuality. I was more of a rough and tumble little tomboy than a girly girl. I had two older brothers and I always hung out with them and their friends rather than other girls.

I remember I was about twelve and we were riding bikes and I was on one of my brother’s bikes. It was kind of too big for me so I really had to stretch to reach. It ground my pussy into the seat and man did it feel funny- a good kind of funny, but still different than anything I had felt before. I knew that later in the day I would have to try and recreate that feeling.

So there I was, laying in bed in my brother Mark’s old flannel pajamas, and trying to figure out what the hell to do. Finally I took my little fingers and started rubbing over the fabric. In truth, I had no clue what I was doing! I kept rubbing and rubbing and oh did it feel good! I know it’s terrible, but I am pretty sure I was thinking about my brother and wishing he was doing it to me. I didn’t really know what masturbation was until I was about sixteen… yeah I know late bloomer.

Over the years, I had many a night where I was touching myself through pajamas and later underneath them. Now a days, I have lots of fun toys to play with and LOTS to think about. I’d really like to masturbate right now… with “Daddy” or “brother” hearing me. I’ll write about my next first later, right now I need to cum.

Wild Weekend

Howdy boys!!!!

I have had one hell of a weekend.  I went down to my parent farm to help out since my dad hurt his knee a week ago.   When got there I was really surprised to see my cousin and his girlfriend there too.   He and my brother had been very close growing up, but we fought like cats and dogs.  But this weekend it was very nice to see him, and the chick he bought with his was smokin’ hot.

We had gone out to a horse show on Saturday.   We had a great time, and got to talkin’ about how beautiful these horses were the muscle tone of their bodies and the bigness of their cocks.  My cousin started bragging about the size of his dick.  I could not help but to be curious; especially when his girlfriend was chiming in on the fat dick crusade.   When we arrived they were on a sexual charge form the evening’s spicy conversation.  It was such a turn on watching them kiss and paw on each other on the way to their room.  When I got to my room I could hear them making out.  I went to the bathroom that adjoined our rooms and cranked the door.  

 I watched my cousin dive his cock in and out of her mouth.  My mouth watered, for a second I think he looked at me. I moved away from the door and gave it a few seconds before my eyes were drawn back to them.  My fingers stroked my clit as I watched him fuck her mouth with all that long thickness. This time when  he looked up there was no mistake that his eyes were meeting mine.  Before I could pull my hands out of my panties, he snatched the door open and pulled me by my arm into the adjoining bedroom.  His girlfriend had a devilish smirk on her face. He Pushed me down beside her and he grabbed my face in her hands (that smelled of her sex) and began kiss me.  He reached under my skirt and removed my panties. 

 His tongue  parted my pussy lips as he slurped and licked my wet spot , while his girl friend climbed on my face to feed me her juices.   My hips rocked back and forth on his tongue matching her stride on my face .  I felt my the warmth cum over my body as he sucked my throbbing pussy and I let my flood of juices enter his mouth. 

She continued to fuck my mouth with her swollen wet pussy lips and puckered asshole, as he entered me with his fat dick.  I let my cousin stuff his dick into me until we his cum dripped from my pussy.  His girlfriend cleaned my pussy.  I rose from the bed and looked at them both are a walked out of the room.

Confessions from a PSO

I’ve had quite a few phone sex calls where the guy suddenly has to hang up because real life interrupted. Someone was at the door, his other phone rang, he was at work, maybe the wife woke up.  Most of the time they call right back but sometimes I’m left to wonder what happened?   One time I was talking to a man that said he was jerking off in the bathroom. Next thing I hear is some old lady banging on the door and yelling at him, asking what he was doing in there and saying I can hear you in there  hahaha maybe that was his mother?  I couldn’t help it… I started laughing but neither my laughter or her yelling seemed to bother him at all. He kept breathing heavy while trying to talk to me and yelling at her to go away. Then he came and hung up. LOL  I’ve never talked to him since.

~Sweet Ms. Abby~

Secretary

I was at the library late at night. I checked to see if anyone is in the conference rooms. You are staying late tonight, working on a project that is due in two days. You are sitting at a table in the very back of the library. I sit at your table. We are sitting across the table from one another. I can see your eyes, they speak sweetly to me. I know you are looking into my eyes, my eyes tell of my soul. We stop staring and you place your hand on mine, squeezing it gently. I know from the way you hold my hand that we will be best of friends.

We start to discuss our projects. We have many books and maps laid before us. I am wearing a fairly short skirt with a white button up blouse. I leave enough buttons undone that nothing can be seen, unless I lean over. As you hold my hand, I take my other hand and lean way over to point to one of the maps we are reviewing. You can see my cleavage, it is tan, and smooth, and upon each breast is a white spot of my skin shaped into the shape of a playboy bunny. This arouses you, I notice that you are looking and I lean forward more so you can see clearly.

I could tell you wanted to touch my breasts, to hold them, to caress them. I let go of your hand and move around to sit beside you at our table. It is dimly lit, and only one or two people are in the whole library. I slid my chair up beside yours. My leg touched yours, I could feel a slight tremble come from you. I placed my hand on your thigh, slowly rubbing my fingers up and down your thigh. I could feel you become aroused. I speak to you, you turn and look at me. You know what I want but you aren’t sure what to do about it. I place my other hand on your cheek. I bring your lips toward mine.

We part our lips, our tongues intertwine, we are breathing deeply. I move my hand from your thigh, I take hold of your hand. I unbutton my shirt some more and place your hand on my breast. It feels blissful, you lift my breast up out of my bra, you kiss it, you caress it, rub my nipple. I am getting very wet now. The hand I have on your thigh I move to your groin. I can feel your cock so very hard and very ready. You take your other hand and slide it up my skirt. I am not wearing panties. You find the magic spot, it is so moist. I feel myself wanting to pull you closer to me. You place your thumb on my clit and your forefinger in my cunt. I start to moan. You hush me. Not wanting to draw attention to us. I tell you of a place in the library we can go and no one will be there. We can do what we want freely.

You remove your hand from my skirt, licking the honey from my pussy off your fingers. I release the hold I have on your leg. Finally you take your hand from my blouse. I buttoned the bottom buttons, and stand to show you the way. I lead you to a stairwell. You ask which way. I tell you up to the next floor. There is a conference room, no one is in it. Wondering how I know this, follow me, hungrily. We quietly open the door to the room. I have told you right, no one is there. We go to the darkest corner. You slowly unbutton my blouse and undo my bra. I unbutton your trousers, and slide my hand inside.

You are so excited, it is difficult for me to not take a taste of the juice that is flowing from your cock. I lean over and stroke the tip of your cock with my tongue. While I am pulling your pants down, you remove your shirt, and then you slide my skirt to the floor. We embrace and slowly lowered ourselves to the floor. You kiss my neck, and down to my breasts. I love it as you caress my breasts. I lower my hand down and take hold of your cock. It is so hard, but I know it can be much harder. I stroke it. You slide your hand down my tummy to my the moistness between my legs. You spread the lips around my clit and began to lick and suck like you have never had the opportunity before. My pelvis is off of the floor.

You use my juices and your saliva to lubricate my asshole. You lick and screw my asshole with your tongue and your fingers. I am in heaven. You are sending chills up and down my spine. Suddenly, we hear a noise. It is a quiet noise but still. We wait and nothing happens. So we start where we had left off. Then the noise begins again. A lady emerges from the shadows. A lady not to much unlike myself. She slowly walks over and asks if she can join? We do not know her, but she seems nice enough, just right for us. She said she could help us with what we are doing. She sounds eager. So we agree. You and I start kissing again, then you kiss her, soon you have your fill of her, she starts kissing me. I have never kissed a woman before, it was different. Softly, but firmly, it makes me shiver. While we three are kissing each other, our hands are exploring parts of the others bodies. I feel her breast, you rub my clit, she licks your asshole. It was getting very exciting.

I speak up and say that my friend here wants to have a titty fuck, and I would like to have the pleasure to give it to him. She tells me it is no problem, she will work around, through and all over us. I lay on the floor on my back, you get to your knees and come as close to me as you can. The base of your cock is right at the base of my breast. I squeeze with my arms to hold my breasts tightly together. You slide your cock into the hole that is made. You stroke in and out. While I am helping you with this, I feel my legs pull apart, oddly the other lady says, “can’t let anything go to waste”.

Suddenly I feel a very cold tongue on my clit, she is going down on me. Another something I have never tried. She knows where to touch, she knows where to rub, I am really enjoying this to my amazement. I turn my focus to you. When you slide toward my face, you reach for my mouth. I keep my breasts squeezed around your cock. Our lady friend has decided to help us a little more. She takes her forefinger on each hand, and teases and enters both of our assholes, one for you and one for me. She is still eating my clit and you are ready to explode. When she is fucking our asses with her fingers, you start to cum in my mouth, I start to orgasm from the clit eating and fingering of my asshole.

We both are cumming with an explosion. We lay to rest a moment. I look around, I do not see the woman that came to the room, the woman that had just helped you and I have the best orgasms ever. We quick dress and leave the conference room. We are holding on to each other, we walk down the stairs and return to our table. I make mention that it is late and I should be going home, could you give me a ride? You tell me of course.

As we gather our things up, a very nice lady walks over to our table and asks if we had uhmmmm… found everything we needed. We both answer yes, oh yes we most certainly had.

As we walk out of the library, we turn and look at each other, then at the library and back at each other. Was that the lady that came to the conference room to “help out”? I guess she is very dedicated to her job;-)

The Hairbrush Incident

I just joined this gym around the corner from my house….nice pool sauna, the works!! for some reason, today when i was done working out i decided to use the sauna. the place was empty so early in the am, and i had just run conditioner thru my hair, so i took my hairbrush in with me. clad inmy towel, i brushed the conditioner thru my hair and leaned back against the wall. it mustve been the ruff terry of the towel against my nipples, but my god, i got so fuckking horny! i began to work the handle of my brush in and out of my pussy stirring myself into a lather!! it was so hot in there, and i was pounding myself so hard sweat dripped from every pore! a loud moan escaped me as i came all over my brush. wow. everyone mustve though i had done extra cardio!!!lol!!