Tag Archive for 'Sexual Humor'

Want a good laugh? Read this!!!

I am thinking of submitting this for my creative writting class…..for some extra credit…..what do you think? Those of you who know me know that I will totally do it too!! lol!

What if roles were reversed?

Imagine waking up one morning and everything is the same except for one thing. It is now a woman’s world…and you are a man.

Women are in control. Women have the power. Women have the influence. Whatever women want, they get. Whatever women say goes and even though you are the man, you are her man, her bitch.

“John, I’m home. What’s for supper? I’m starved.”

“Oh, hi, Mary, I, uhm, haven’t had a chance to shop for supper. The kids are home sick from school with the—”

“No supper! What am I suppose to eat? I’m starving.”

“I thought we’d call for a pizza and have it—”

“You thought wrong. I’m sick and tired of pizza. I expect you to cook for me when I come home from work tired and hungry.”

“Yes, of course, but the kids were puking and—”

“Don’t wait up for me. I’m going to Karen’s house.” She grabbed her coat and headed for the door. “She bought a new car, a Mustang, and wants to show me it.”

Mary slams the door behind her and walks over to Karen’s house where they meet up with Susan and Linda.

“So, how’d you get out of the house?”

“Guilt trip. She didn’t make any dinner. She said the kids were sick. I figured I’d get something to eat at the strip club.”

“They only have pizza.”

“That’s okay. I like pizza.”

“Let’s go.”

The four women squeeze in Karen’s Mustang GT and head over to the Golden Banana where the four women line up at their usual spot at the bar to watch the strippers.

“What are you gals going to have?”

The look at one another and laugh.

“Cock and balls. A double.”

The bartender loads up water glasses with rum and tequila and plops fruit slices carved in the image of penises and testicles.

The women whoop it up stuffing the dancer’s thongs with money and making sure they get a good feel of the package each time they stuff a dollar down his suit.

Mary stumbles home drunk and horny.

“John! Where the fuck are you? Come down here and fuck me!”

“Shh!” John emerges from the kitchen with dish towel in hand. “You’ll wake the kids. It’s 2 am.” John looks at his drunken wife. “You went to the Golden Banana, again, didn’t you?”

“Fucken’right! You won’t give me sex, so I go there to feel some golden bananas, if you know what I mean.” Mary flops down on the couch laughing.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, you filthy pig. You make me sick with your friends, your strip clubs, and your strippers.”

“Well, maybe if you took care of me, I wouldn’t have to go there.”

Mary stands, unzips her jeans, drops them, and steps out of her panties. She falls back on the sofa. “Now, come here and lick my pussy. I need to get off.”

“I won’t do that.” John turns to head upstairs but Mary is too quick for him and grabs him by the hair, drops him to his knees, and pulls his face between her legs.

“Eat me, I said. Suck my pussy!”

Through his tears, John does what Mary wants and licks her pussy.

“Let me know when you are going to come,” said John lifting his head. “I don’t want you cumming in my mouth.”

“Sure Baby.” When Mary is ready to cum, she pushes John’s head forward and holds his mouth on her pussy.

“Mary, I told you to tell me.”

“Sorry, Baby, you know we women, I couldn’t help it.”

A couple of the rabble rousers from across the way watch through the open drapes John eating Mary. They finger themselves while watching the action.

Mary pushes John over to the bay window and opens the drapes wide. She pulls down John’s sweatpants, bulls down his briefs, and presses his cock against the cold glass for the voyeuristic women to see.

“Mary, stop! What are you doing? I’m naked and they are staring. Mary, please, I am so embarrassed. How could you? How could you humiliate me like that?”

“You know it turns me on for other women to ogle your package. You know I love that stuff.”

When Mary is finished with him, she pushes him away and falls asleep on the cough. John covers Mary’s nakedness with a blanket, turns off the light, closes the drapes, and heads off to bed.

Mary wakes up during the night to pee and meets John’s father in the hall on the way to the bathroom, who was staying overnight to help with the sick children. Still a bit drunk and naked from the waist down, Mary turns on the light and answer’s her father-in-law’s stare.

“D’ya like what you see?” She holds a hand to her pussy and lifts up the skin to give him a better view.

“You’re drunk. You’re always drunk.” John’s father turns and heads back to his room but Mary follows him.

She pushes him down on the bed, strips off his pajama bottoms, pulls down his boxers, and takes him in her mouth sucking his cock. As soon as he has an erection, she mounts him.

“Mary, stop! This is wrong. I’m your father-in-law. Get off me!”

“Fuck me, old man. Cum in my pussy.”

Jack enters the room and pushes Mary off her father.

“Dad, how could you? She’s my wife.”

“It was her. She’s drunk. She raped me.”

John turns to Mary and pushes him out the door.

“Get out! Get out! I never want to see you, again.”

Years later, Mary is hiding out in Montana because of all the unpaid child support. There is a warrant for her arrest. The laws are strict for deadbeat moms.